a cautionary tale

here are two excellent examples of why not to get drunk and send e-mails. first, to the man i met at the bar only hours prior (names have been changed to protect the innocent):

You can't even see me? You want to me do me.
L.

that's it, that's all it said. what does that even mean? why is "you can't even see me" a question? apparently i am very unpoetic for an english major...
and second, to an ex-lover:

Ohhhhh Michael...
We can meet whenever you may like..
I like you quite a bit,
L.

let's hope his girlfriend doesn't check his e-mail; could i sound more suggestive? my god, my cheeks were crimson this morning as i re-read these. never again, never again. i am no good at drinking and communicating, evidently. never again.