Index

Number of hours my self-imposed detox lasted: 36
Number of reasons for need to drink: too numerous to count
Number of websites that think I may have a problem: 1
Number of boyfriends that think I may have a problem: 1
Number of friends that think I may have a problem: 0
Number of friends: 3
Number of friends in London: 0
Months spent in London: 11
Months spent trying to make friends in London: 11
Months spent in total and utter futility: 11
Number of jobs I have held in London: 2
Number of times my salary has increased: 2
Work hours per day that my colleague spends talking on her mobile: 7
Number of work hours per day that I spend talking on my mobile: 0
Work hours per day that I spend texting from my mobile: 0.75
Work hours per week that I spend reading celebrity gossip: 15
Number of times I may have exaggerated in this index: 4
Number of flatmates I really like: 4
Ratio of likeable flatmates to tolerable flatmates: 4:3
Number of flatmates I would get drunk and make out with: 2
Percentage of these flatmates with girlfriends: 100%
Percentage of these flatmates with flatmate girlfriends: 50%
How much time am I wasting here: loads
How much do I miss you guys: loads