girl can't help it

I can't sleep anymore. I haven't had a good night's sleep since last Thursday. Friday was blotto with Alanna and Adam. Saturday was on a plane and robbed me of 8 hours. Sunday I was up. Monday I was up. Tonight I am up.

Is this fate? I forgot Pasty in Vancouver and PT (evil boss) bought me a region 1 copy of the Jackass 2 DVD. It can only be played in North America. Is that a sign?

Must be. So I am thinking of a couple of months in Vancouver this summer. I guess I always sort of knew this would happen once I visited. Even on our uneventful evening it was still so good to be out with people. Friends. It had been so long.

H is upset. He is worried I am going to fall in love with the last person I would fall in love with and I will never come back. I don't know if I will come back for the person who still can't be with me. After all this time. And an international relocation. I came to London to live with him. And I don't. Live with him. And he made that choice. I said last year that the situation needed to be remedied by the Spring, but can I really bully him into being with me? And would he ever give up Flo? These are questions I probably don't want answered.

Here's my resolution: 2007 is the year of me. This is it. I am going to buy a pair of £400 shoes, go where I want, live where I want, do what I want. I am so fucking tired of pleasing everyone else. Looking forward. I can't rely on other people to make my life what I want it to be.