are you lost little girl?

So last night I am at a bar and there are these two Italian guys trying to pick up me and Malou. They are pouring the delicious wine, they are making the necessary small talk and they are asking me the dreaded: so what do you do? And I have to reply nothing because that is the truth. I do nothing. What do you want to do then? I have no idea!! Seriously! What do I want to do? I am going to be 25 in a month and I am unemployed and as directionless as ever. It was supposed to be better here, but it is so much worse. I am overstimulated and completely underwhelming. In fact, I deem my current status so decidedly UNfabulous that I am postponing my birthday until I can see a marked improvement. That's it! For the first time in history I have decided not to get older. Just for a little while. Just until things get better. And they will get better, right? Right?

The plus side is that I might be back in BC very soon. I mean, I have nothing else to do. And I miss my Mom! It's only a vacation, but H. is already worried that I won't return. I think I will. I hope I will. I want to make this work, but I am living off of Monsieur Visa and he can be quite temperamental. Can I afford to go? Can I afford to stay? If I were not this confused all the time then who would I be?

And if I do decide to turn 25, all I want for my birthday is my friends.